A new perspective.

This past week was pure hell. I thought I was dieing. The impending news that I may have a cyst or something worse in/on my pancreas was just too much for me. I had all of these horrible dramatic thoughts and it seriously took a toll on me. I felt fatigued, sick and terrified. I was preparing myself for the worst news possible. That is one of my main flaws, I always expect the worst. Well, thankfully I am okay. Whatever they thought they saw on my ultrasound was not there on my MRI. My pancreas looks "beautiful" according to my doctor, and I no longer have bags under my eyes, and my heart in my throat. When the doctor told me I was okay, I cried. This was a scary thing to go through. Especially when I work day in and day out to be as healthy as I can be. The thought of there being something wrong inside is completely devestating. It sucked the life out of me, and I am grateful beyond words for my health more than ever. I do have a stomach ulcer, which is feeling better already after 2 weeks of Prilosec and watching what I eat. That will eventually heal and everything will be okay :)

Having this scare makes me even more motivated. It scared me into never ever wanting to go through those test, that feeling ever again. I want to get so healthy that I never have to go through it when I'm older. Everything happens for a reason and like I said before, I may always expect the worst but I do try to see the positive in everything after the fact. The positive things I learned from this experience were to be healthy, eat clean, be active, do not take anything for granted, especially your body. You only get one! Love, laugh, smile, be happy, have fun and to be grateful for everything in your life. I am especially grateful for my amazing boyfriend during all of this. He listened to me cry for hours, hearing all of my crazy, sometimes irrational thoughts on all of it. I would hold it in all day, and the minute he would walk in the room, I would burst  out into tears as he hugged me telling me everything would be okay. That is exactly what I needed. Someone to just listen and tell me no matter what happened, I would be okay and they would be there for me. After all of this, I am realizing how truly perfect, caring and wonderful he is. He is an angel and I love him so much it hurts! How did I get so lucky?


I did not lose any weight this week. No surprise there as it was the furthest thing from my mind. I did not gain so that's good. More importantly,  I am so happy, feeling healthy again and extremely motivated, probably more than ever. This whole thing really lit the fire under my ass. Not to mention, I have some very motivated people around me who I am supporting on there own journeys. I love it! I am so excited for what is to come :)