The big news....

I haven't posted since November because I have been at a stand still with my weight. I feel like the weight loss aspect of this journey has ended, and I am just at a point where I am maintaining. I am happy with my size. This is the size I pictured myself being from the beginning. I have officially kept this weight off for over a year. One very upsetting thing about my weight loss is my extra skin. I'm literally in the same place with my body that I was 4 years and 125 pounds ago. My stomach looks like I have carried 4 children. Often when I go to new doctors and they see my stomach I get the "how many kid do you have" question.  My breasts are another area of concern. I went from wearing a 46 DDD to a 36 C. Because of the dramatic change in size they have sagged so badly. I am still ashamed of my body. All the skin and sagging is a daily reminder that I can do nothing else to be happy. I can't lose anymore weight to make myself happy, and being so young, I decided I needed to do something.

This coming July 10 I will be getting skin removal surgery around my stomach and a breast augmentation. I am so excited, nervous, anxious, and just READY. I feel like I earned this. I put all the work in and like my family and close friends have been telling me, I deserve this. I deserve to be happy and feel confident. I cannot wait to just get it over with, I am terrified! It's such a strange feeling. 

So a little about the surgery- I will be in the operating room for 6 hours. They are going to be doing both procedures together. It is considered a same day surgery but my family and I decided it would probably be best to stay the night. My stomach surgery is a classic tummy tuck. The scar will be hip to hip under my bikini line so it will not be visible. The recovery is intense and painful. Hopefully I am prescribed some damn good pain meds. Going in I requested reconstructive surgery for my breast  because it isn't the size I am unhappy with it is the severe sagging.  However, the procedure is very invasive and a longer recovery time. So my surgeon and I decided to go with a small implant just to make them fit my body frame better and a lift. I have my issues with getting implants. I don't want the stigma that comes with having them but it is what's best for me. I am not ever going to have crazy porn boobs, that is not my goal what so ever. Hopefully when all is said and done it won't even be obviously that I had them done. 

So that is that. My journey is coming to a dramatic close. I am so grateful for my supportive family, friends and fiancé who have been there for me every step of the way in making this decision. It wasn't an easy one. I am really scared yet relieved I will finally be happy and comfortable in my own skin. I have never in my life felt that way. I just wish I could wake up like 2 weeks after the surgery. Throughout my recovery I will just think about how comfortable and hopefully beautiful I will look on my wedding day!!

Maybe if I grow some balls I will take some before and after shots of my tummy ;)