Some food for thought.

So last week I said I would post a journal to give everyone an idea of what I have been eating. Up until about 3 months ago I would track my food in a notebook. 6 notebooks later I needed to find an easier way of doing it. I got an iPhone and now it is much more convenient to track on there since I have it attached to my hip. I use the my plate "lite" app (the lite one is the free one.) I tried my fitness pal and calorie counter apps before but this one seems to be the best one for me. Their data base is huge and I have had the most success with it.

Here is my food journal from Thursday

Breakfast: 7:30am
Multigrain Cheerios with milk- 160
Banana- 90
Coffee with milk- 45

Snack: 11:30am
apple- 80
Rice cakes- 90

Lunch: 1:30 pm
Vegetable soup- 120
Whole grain goldfish- 140

Snack: 3:45pm
1 cup blackberries- 60
Granola bar: 90

Dinner: 6:15pm
1 slice pizza- 300
Large salad with light raspberry walnut dressing- 100

Snack: 8:30pm
Whonu chocolate cookies - 150
Blueberries- 30

Total: 1,455 calories.
Water: 64 oz.

So as you can see- I eat a lot and I eat all day long. It is just a matter of eating smaller meals, and eating more fruits and veggies. Fruits and veggies are very filling and have little calories (this day in particular I didn't go crazy with the vegetables) I cannot physically  go more than 3-4hours without eating. The more hungry I let myself get I will more likely give into temptations. That's why I make sure I eat every 2 to 3 hours because if I end up starving I will grab the first thing I see and it will probably be unhealthy. Losing weight is not at all about starving yourself, or just eating salads and plain grilled chicken. I eat everything I want. It is just a matter of eating it in moderation. Eat whatever you want, it has a serving size for a reason! To combat hunger I also drink water all day long. I sip on it constantly.

Of course some nights I still get dessert with dinner. If you find a way to eat healthy, sharing a piece of cheesecake with someone once a week, or getting a bagel every Saturday morning is not going to hurt you, it will actually help you feel less deprived. I am down to 170 pounds from 294. The way I eat is so doable. I do not eat perfect, it isn't possible for me too eat all organic or cut out dairy. It's just not for me. I know everyone says this, but, if I can do it YOU can too :)

6.6 in six.

In the 6 weeks since I've been back on track, writing again and having my weekly weigh ins I've lost 6.6 pounds. I don't usually weigh in until Friday, however, I felt so great this morning I figured I'd take the chance and weigh in. Long behold the scale read 170.4 pounds. That is a 1.8 pound loss this week and an overall loss of  124 pounds. Yes, I just teared up a little. I don't think I have been this small since maybe middle school. I feel so tiny, light and healthy.

This week in particular has been tough emotionally. I never thought losing weight was going to be such a challenge mentally. I don't know if it is my body getting smaller, me having a hard time adjusting or just the overall stress of it but I have been all over the place. My emotions are everywhere. One minute I'm happy, the next anxious. I have been going to a lot of doctors still regarding my fainting. I just don't know, I do not have the answer. On top of it, I feel alone. That's why I felt like writing tonight, I needed an outlet.

I have not posted my food journals in quite sometime- I will do that either tomorrow or early next week just to give everyone an idea of what I have been eating. Calorie wise, I've been eating between 1500 and 1600, staying active through out the day and working out for like 2 hours either once or twice a week. As always, I wish I could get to the gym more!!!

Onto the final 15.4 pounds...

Extra

So, I have extra skin- duh, it comes with the territory. It doesn't bother me too much, at least I didn't think so.  Since the last time I passed out I've been seeing doctor after doctor trying to figure out why it is happening. My neurologist said I'm fine, my cardiologist said I'm fine. According to them nothing is wrong in my head or heart that might be causing these episodes. After a very long appointment with my primary doctor I think there is finally an answer for all my dizziness and my fainting, I'm so happy we finally figured it out but it's going to be very painful to fix.

Basically this is what's happening- the blood in my body is flowing in areas it no longer has too, all my extra skin, so it isn't getting to my head fast enough. That is what is causing all of these issues!! So not only does my extra skin prevent me from being comfortable naked, and looking cute in a bathing suit, it is taking my blood supply away from where it is really needed. My doctor said, it is like I'm a tiny person in this slightly bigger body and there just isn't enough blood to go around. Makes sense. The "vertigo" started right around the time I lost 60 pounds so, she said the timing of the dizziness makes sense.

I'm relieved that I finally know what is going on but I'm stressed about what I need to do. I could live with this, although it is incredibly  annoying all around, or I could do something about it. Get skin removal surgery. That is a major deal. I've read and heard that it is extremely painful, takes forever to recover from, most insurances will not cover it and the scars it leaves are ugly, especially on the arms.

To conclude, I have lots to think about. My feelings about it now are this- get down to my goal weight, see if the symptoms get worse, and possibly consult with a plastic surgeon. So, that is that I guess, the mystery has been solved.

I lost a little under a pound this week. That makes 5 weeks of consecutive weight loss. I think it is safe to say that I'm back :) 17.4 pounds away!

mixed emotions

Where to begin?

I suppose I will start with, I have been feeling like an utter failure lately. For weeks now I have just been down in the dumps. It's depressing. I have not been feeling good. I swear I am nauseous at least once a day, and just completely exhausted. I have been sleeping fine, eating very well and working out a minimum of twice a week. I'm not really understanding what is happening to me. I think it's my birth control. I started it in August and things just have not been right since. I've called my obgyn and I have an appointment with my primary next week. Hopefully much sooner rather than later I get these issues squared away because frankly, I have never felt more depressed, unable to do the things I want and need to do because of feeling sick. I hate it. 

My three year mark of this journey is coming up in a couple weeks, February 18th. Three whole, long, entire years of trying to change my life and lose this weight! It has been such a battle. My first year I lost about 53 pounds, second year, about 59 and this year... 7. Sounds weird to say I only lost 7 pounds in a year after losing over 50 the first two but hey, what can you do right? Like I mentioned in previous posts, this year was definitely a year of change for me. I feel like my life is rid of any toxic things that were holding me back. Although losing more weight would have been ideal, I cannot be mad at myself for focusing on my mental health and happiness for a change. On top of that, I have been so busy this year, jeez. I have lost a little over 3 pounds since starting this "final 23" blog. Therefore I am officially on the the final twenty pounds of this weight loss journey! WHOOHOO! YAY! I am so close to that 140 pound weight loss goal I can smell it. 

I finally have some motivation back in my life too. Ryan is a machine. He is working SO incredibly hard to reach his own weight loss goals. Consistent gym visits, tracking his food, asking me for advice is just the breath of fresh air I needed. I LOVE helping people, especially the people I adore beyond words. Being with someone like him, who is going through the same thing as me makes it that much more exciting to succeed. He is one of the main reasons I know in my mind I will reach my goal. He is so encouraging. He lost 4 pounds this past week! What an angel :).

Him and I are also planning a beach vacation for mid-May. That is a another huge motivator. I see myself wearing sleeveless sundresses, and being totally comfortable on the beach in a bathing suit! I want that so bad. I need to keep that in mind when I feel tempted by something unhealthy or feel too lazy to get my ass to the gym!

I am hanging in there, and honestly doing all I can despite feeling very sick a lot of the time. I will keep everyone updated on what the heck is going on!