mixed emotions

Where to begin?

I suppose I will start with, I have been feeling like an utter failure lately. For weeks now I have just been down in the dumps. It's depressing. I have not been feeling good. I swear I am nauseous at least once a day, and just completely exhausted. I have been sleeping fine, eating very well and working out a minimum of twice a week. I'm not really understanding what is happening to me. I think it's my birth control. I started it in August and things just have not been right since. I've called my obgyn and I have an appointment with my primary next week. Hopefully much sooner rather than later I get these issues squared away because frankly, I have never felt more depressed, unable to do the things I want and need to do because of feeling sick. I hate it. 

My three year mark of this journey is coming up in a couple weeks, February 18th. Three whole, long, entire years of trying to change my life and lose this weight! It has been such a battle. My first year I lost about 53 pounds, second year, about 59 and this year... 7. Sounds weird to say I only lost 7 pounds in a year after losing over 50 the first two but hey, what can you do right? Like I mentioned in previous posts, this year was definitely a year of change for me. I feel like my life is rid of any toxic things that were holding me back. Although losing more weight would have been ideal, I cannot be mad at myself for focusing on my mental health and happiness for a change. On top of that, I have been so busy this year, jeez. I have lost a little over 3 pounds since starting this "final 23" blog. Therefore I am officially on the the final twenty pounds of this weight loss journey! WHOOHOO! YAY! I am so close to that 140 pound weight loss goal I can smell it. 

I finally have some motivation back in my life too. Ryan is a machine. He is working SO incredibly hard to reach his own weight loss goals. Consistent gym visits, tracking his food, asking me for advice is just the breath of fresh air I needed. I LOVE helping people, especially the people I adore beyond words. Being with someone like him, who is going through the same thing as me makes it that much more exciting to succeed. He is one of the main reasons I know in my mind I will reach my goal. He is so encouraging. He lost 4 pounds this past week! What an angel :).

Him and I are also planning a beach vacation for mid-May. That is a another huge motivator. I see myself wearing sleeveless sundresses, and being totally comfortable on the beach in a bathing suit! I want that so bad. I need to keep that in mind when I feel tempted by something unhealthy or feel too lazy to get my ass to the gym!

I am hanging in there, and honestly doing all I can despite feeling very sick a lot of the time. I will keep everyone updated on what the heck is going on!