Down.

Let me start by saying this, things are not going my way. I caved and had to weigh myself, I know, disappointing. I felt so off and unsuccessful- I had to see how I was doing on the scale. I didn't lose anything or gain anything. I have been so busy and just completely unmotivated. I have barley worked out. I am so mad at myself. This is honestly like a roller coaster. One day I feel good and the next, fat and horrible. I know this is in my control. The main thing I have learned over the past 3 years is just that. Only I am in control of this journey. Every time I eat, or make the choice to work out or not,  it effects this journey. I know that, and it is exhausting. I need to find my path again, because I am completely off course. I weigh 163 pounds and it's the smallest I have ever been. Everyone thinks I am crazy but, I am not satisfied just yet. I am thrilled with my 134 pound loss however, I will not be 100% happy until I reach 155 pounds. My perfectionism may be annoying to some, but, that is how I got to where I am today. Accepting nothing less than consistent weight loss. I am feeling really down and I feel like I have lost sight of everything. I am hoping more than anything I can finish this, lose these last 8 pounds, and tone up. That is when I will finally be able to celebrate all of my hard work.

On a lighter, happier note- I am moving! My boyfriend and I are moving in together in a little over a month. We are renting a one bedroom apartment together. I am overjoyed. I am ready to open this new chapter in my life, and our lives together. Living on my own, being totally in control of everything I buy to eat, everything I cook and how I spend my time I think will be nothing but beneficial for me. I can honestly see me dropping all of this weight very soon after I am living on my own. Only time will tell!